Spider-man in: The Perfect Villain
by saidiecat
Summary: Finished! Green Goblin appears with this new movie star thing gone to his head! Will Director Kitty ever make her movie? Please R/R
1. Electro

Big Booming Narrator: New York. A place crawling with villainous creatures with only one goal: to destroy Spider-man (well some might want to take over the world or get revenge, whatever) but their main goal is to destroy Spider-man!  
  
Spider-man: Like I did any thing!  
  
Big Booming Narrator: Ah, shut up webhead, this is narrator time.  
  
Spider-man: But-  
  
Big Booming Narrator: Nope, Narrator time!  
  
Spider-man: Wait-  
  
Big Booming Narrator: Narrator time!  
  
Spider-man: Seriously man-  
  
Big Booming Narrator: Guess what kids?  
  
Group of kids: What?  
  
Big Booming Narrator: It's Narrator Time!  
  
Group of kids: Yay!!  
  
Spider-man: Okay, okay, I get it, I'll be quiet.  
  
Big Booming Narrator: Thank you And now, introducing: SPIDER-MAN!  
  
Spider-man: Yes, thank you, thank you, that's why my names in the title for cripes sake!  
  
Big Booming Narrator: Our story starts off with Spider-man fighting bum bum buuuuuum ELECTRO!!  
  
(loud noises, crashing, banging)  
  
Electro: Prepare to die, Spider-man! NO! wait wait, I wanted to throw an insult there, can we cut?  
  
Director Kitty: No, idiot, this is live!!!  
  
Electro: Oops, uh, yea, prepare to die Web guy!  
  
Spider-man: Wow, Electro, did you hurt yourself thinking of that one?  
  
Electro: Grr, I'll get you for that one- no, wait that wasn't evil enough, can we cut?  
  
Director Kitty: Electro WE ARE LIVE!!!  
  
Electro: oh, yea right, uh I should growl more, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, there that's good, uhh, I'll get you, you do- gooder!  
  
Spider-man: Yea right (sprays web fluid all over his face)  
  
Electro: ARRRRGGHHHH!!!! NOT IN THE EYES! NOT IN THE EYES!!! I NEED TO CUT!!!  
  
Director Kitty: Jesus, please help me. Will someone get Electro outta here?! Clean him up and get him out of my sight. Tomorrow we'll try out Venom.  
  
Electro: Did we cut? We cut? All right, see you all at the premier!! 


	2. Venom

Yo, I don't own any of these characters, just Director Kitty and Big Booming Narrator, so quit yer whinin' and read up, oh, and if you wouldn't mind reviewing too!!  
  
(one minute before the live perfect villain tryout)  
  
Big Booming Narrator: (to a make up artist) Do you think I need more eyeliner?  
  
Make up artist: No, people don't look at you, you're a narrator.  
  
Big Booming Narrator: Well, just in case they do, don't you think I need a darker blush shade? We're on? OH! We're on! Heh heh, welcome to the second edition of the live tryouts for the perfect villain. What about my lips? Red or Pink?  
  
(moves on)  
  
Director Kitty: Alright, Venom, Spider-man, you guys are fighting in a warehouse. Venom, no say some bad thingies to Spider-man.  
  
Venom: Be afraid Spider-man, for WE are Venom.  
  
Director Kitty: Woah, wait wait, what's this "we" thing.  
  
Venom: We always refer to ourselves as we.  
  
Director Kitty: Well, I don't like it, change it.  
  
Venom: But it's our trademark!  
  
Director Kitty: I don't care if your trademark is grabbin' your rear at the end of each scene, change it or at least try.  
  
Venom: Be afraid, Spider-Man for mm-mm-me are Venom.  
  
Director Kitty: Me are Venom? Come one, didn't you ever take English classes?  
  
Venom: Well, no, (pouts)  
  
Director Kitty: (rolls eyes) Say "I am Venom"  
  
Venom: I am Venom. That doesn't sound right, we can't do this, we're not good actors.  
  
Director Kitty: (sighs in aggravation) You are a good actor.  
  
Venom: (starts to cry) No, we know what you're thinking, you're thinking we're the worst actors in the world, no UNIVERSE! (sobs heavily as Spider- man puts a hand on his shoulder)  
  
Director Kitty: Man where do those other directors find patience for these guys? Listen uh, Venoms, why don't you head on outta here, get something to eat, take a break and we'll call you if you get the part, okay?  
  
Venom: You're not going to call are you?  
  
Director Kitty: (who is a very bad liar) Oh, of couse I will, you know me!  
  
Venom: No, we don't really know you actually. But I guess since you promised to call us I'll go.  
  
Director Kitty: Thank Venom, we'll see you (whispers to assistant) Scratch Venom!  
  
Spider-man: Wow! I can't believe I stayed quiet all this time!  
  
Big Booming Narrator: And tomorrow we'll have the Chameleon! (to make up artist) Seriously, no lipstick?  
  
Make up artist: No---------No lipstick. 


	3. Chameleon

Big Booming Narrator: Oh, man, I feel like crap, what did I do last night? Oh! Now here's the third edition of the live tryouts for whatever they're trying out for, I can't remember.  
  
Director Kitty: (to assistant) Remind me to fire that narrator. (to crew) Okay, bring out the Chameleon!  
  
(five minutes of waiting pass)  
  
Director Kitty: Where's the Chameleon?  
  
Spider-man: (shrugs and scratches head)  
  
(ten minutes later)  
  
Director Kitty: Come on, where the heck is he?!  
  
Spider-man: Ah ha! My plan worked! Now that I have shown you what I can do, I'll surely get the part! (Spider-man takes off his mask to reveal the plain white mask of the Chameleon.)  
  
Director Kitty: Thank you Mr. Magician for wasting our time, can we please get started? Wait, if you were Spider-man then where-?  
  
(Director Kitty turns around and spots Spider-man flirting with two young girl extras)  
  
Spider-man: (to girls) Yea, I can get you a part in the Spider-man 2 movie. I got connections, heck, I'm the star!  
  
Director Kitty: (to Spider-man) Yo, Lover Boy, you're up!  
  
Spider-man: Whoops, gotta go ladies. (to director) What'd I miss?  
  
Director Kitty: Okay, Chameleon, let's see what you can do. (sighs) Start fighting with Spider-man.  
  
Chameleon: Er, excuse me director, but I'm just not very good with this fighting deal. I was thinking more of an intelligent role. Let's say I disguise myself as a family member to Spider-man and like-  
  
Director Kitty: Who's the director here? Is her name Ki- Kit-Ki-Kitty?  
  
Chameleon: (rolls eyes) Fine, whatever. (reaches over to Spider-man and slaps him on the arm) (grabs hand) Ouch, what are you made of, rock?  
  
Spider-man: No it's something called muscle, something you could use.  
  
Chameleon: Hey, my brother is Kraven the Hunter, if you have something to say to me, you can say it to him instead!  
  
Spider-man: Oo, now I'm really scared.  
  
Chameleon: Oh that's really mature, picking on the weakling!  
  
Director Kitty: You said it your self, you're a weakling, and this is an action movie. Sorry, Chameleon.  
  
Chameleon: Oh, come one! I haven't had a role since my one-time appearance in Spider-man cartoon! I was the first villain!!  
  
Spider-man: (shrugs) First isn't always the best. Look at Superman.  
  
Chameleon: This is an outrage! You'll be hearing from my brother and me! (storms out)  
  
Director Kitty: Crap, what a wimp.  
  
Spider-man: Why don't you call up the Green Goblin? I mean me and him have really good fighting chemistry.  
  
Director Kitty: Whatever, even though he's already been in a movie! (puts her head between her knees) Call up the Green Goblin.  
  
Big Booming Narrator: There you have it! Green Goblin is here next week! (to the girls that Spider-man was talking to) So, you like narrating roles? I can get you one of them. 


	4. Green Goblin

Sexy Girl Narrator: (since Big Booming got fired) Well, whaddya know. The famous Green Goblin is here trying out for the part! Oo, I'm so excited! Let's see how it goes.  
  
(Green Goblin is sitting in a movie star seat with his name on it, wearing sunglasses, surrounded by beautiful women, sipping an iced tea.)  
  
Green Goblin: What do you think, director, should I go with the new green armor look or the classic green and pink spandex?  
  
Director Kitty: (growls with aggravation) I don't care just get up and let's get this over with.  
  
Green Goblin: You know, you're pretty lucky to have me here. Ever since the movie came out on the theaters, I became a living legend.  
  
Director Kitty: I don't care if I had Obi Wan Kenobi as my villain, just please get off your butt and do what you do.  
  
Spider-man: (approaches Green Goblin) Uh, hey, buddy, can I have your autograph?  
  
Green Goblin: Sure, sure. (signs book)  
  
Director Kitty: STOP! Stop! Can we please get started?  
  
Green Goblin: (stands up) Okay, but first (heads to camera) The Spider-man DVD is coming out on November 1st (it really is!!) so be sure to buy it, cause Green Goblin said so.  
  
Director Kitty: Thank you for the commercial.  
  
Spider-man: Man, I gotta buy me one of those!  
  
(Spider-man and Green Goblin get into fighting positions.) (They're about to start, when a cell phone rings.)  
  
Green Goblin: G.G. here. Oh, Bobby. (to director) hold up a minute, doll, it's my agent. (back into cell phone) You want me to start my own merchandise line? Yea, I'm getting tired of being pictured with just Spider- man too. I should do my own TV series too? Oo, co-starring Pamela Lee Anderson, alright! I was thinking of a title like "Goblin in the Middle" and like I should have three brothers and some whacked up parents. Yea, yea, okay, see you then. (hangs up)  
  
Director Kitty: (rubs temples) Can we try this again please?  
  
Green Goblin: Sorry, cutie, but my agent says that this perfect villain thing isn't good for me right now. I'm outta here. (to group of beautiful women) Come on ladies, we got a date in my Jacuzzi limo!  
  
Sexy Girl Narrator: Oo, I'm going!  
  
Spider-man: Me too!  
  
Director Kitty: (curls up on floor and whimpers) Maybe I should just forget this whole Spider-man thing. (to assistant) Call up Dr. Doom and the Fantastic Four!  
  
  
  
THE END! 


End file.
